Official Boob Inspector Badge
Let's say you're out on the town, knee-deep in stag night silliness, when suddenly you're overcome with the urge to look at a nice pair of...uh...Bristols. You've neither the suit nor the cash to visit a gentleman's club, and your super-sleek smartphone is frustratingly incapable of connecting to the internet. Only one thing for it - find a pretty young lady, whip out your Boob Inspector badge, and hope for the best!
This tactic is very unlikely to yield fruit, of course, but even if nobody buys that you're really the boob inspector, you'll still get a few laughs out of it. Pin this badge to your breast and wear it with pride, safe in the knowledge that if there's a boob emergency, you'll be ready to spring into action!